The first major step I took towards claiming the life I deeply felt was meant for me, a life with more joy, more wellbeing and more purpose, was leaving behind my 7-year career as criminal lawyer at the prosecutors office. I was scared beyond words, because that life also felt really far and I had no idea how to get there. I knew I had to trust, but I also had to pay my bills.
Choosing to take that leap, even though at the time I felt I had not tools to build that life, activated something new within me. Courage, a deep knowing and so much energy for what was to follow.
The next big shift point that forever changed my relationship with myself and life came about 3 years later, when I decided to allow myself to truly feel the parts of my life where I was letting myself down. It’s an experience I don’t really talk about, because it’s very personal. I had found myself in a situation that some would describe as being utterly betrayed, alone and powerless. I was living abroad and felt like I had no options.
The choice that I made that day changed everything, because instead of seeing myself as a victim of my circumstances, I decided to understand where I was actually betraying and abandoning myself… so that I wouldn’t repeat it ever again. My relationship with myself and life forever changed, because I decided to take responsibility for my experience.
I chose to accept that I don’t need to be a victim, that I cannot keep running away from my own truth and that I do have the capacity to create the life I’ve been seeing in my visions and dreams.
You see, I’ve been intuitive and very sensitive ever since I can remember. I’ve always been able to feel emotions and energies of people, I could see their blueprint, I was able to recognise false paradigms. But I hadn’t committed to fully living my truth and embodying my gifts, because I was afraid I’d be rejected and misunderstood. And well, that’s exactly what happened.
Fear has been my companion ever since childhood, when I realised that most of the people around me saw the world differently, they couldn’t feel the subtleties that I could, they weren’t connected to energies and other dimensions as I was. They didn’t truly see me.
But. Actually, I was the one who needed to truly see myself first.
I could tell you about so many times in my life when I was so scared that it froze me – of speaking on stage (because then everybody would see how uncomfortable I was and I would faint from all the fear), of singing (because my voice would crack and my throat contract if I even thought of sharing my voice with people), the anxiety when starting something unknown (because…. I don’t even know why), of travelling by myself (because I’d probably get lost or something really bad would happen), of diving under water or jumping in from higher ground (because of Atlantean memories of drowning)…
Yet I took the steps anyway. Just usually with a major delay and that’s ok.
I’m no different from many sensitives when it comes to fear, anxiety and overwhelm – they’re more often than not part of my experience.
But from the moment I embraced them and decided to listen to their message in full presence, my whole world opened up. I don’t get frozen anymore (at least not for long), quite the opposite. My gifts opened up. My joy expanded.
And I began knowing the feeling of belonging to myself in a way that transcends spirit and includes this physical body and the material world as well.
I wish that experience for everyone!